were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
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