i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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