ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
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we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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