My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
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threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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