the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
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she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
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Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
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