so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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