I can't breathe out the right side of my face
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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