Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize