My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Can I color on your dick again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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