I murdered the dance floor call the cops
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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