And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize