my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
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your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
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Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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