Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize