we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
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