8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
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Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
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I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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