I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize