i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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