My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize