I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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