like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
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My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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