my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize