I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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