Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
