that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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