I'm gonna have a badass scar
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
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yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
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I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize