Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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