There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize