and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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