woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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