I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Still dying that you shit outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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