somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
There r osticjed everywhere
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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