I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
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I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
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I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Everyone says I win the strip club
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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