He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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