He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we still banned from the library?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize