you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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