Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
sarcasm needs its own font
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
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I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
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I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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