Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
smell my finger.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
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Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
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I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
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