Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
