next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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