Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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