i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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