just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I can text with my tongue
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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