I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize