I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
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His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
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Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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