hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
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Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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