I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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