Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize