he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
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I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
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I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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