thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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