I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
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He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
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Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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