Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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